Jack is in Bonn and we are all going on with life…as he is.

it’s hard to put in words. A feeling of loss.

i described today that it was like losing a limb, but it’s not. Carl says he feels useless. I don’t feel that but I do feel grief.

i also can’t imagine how my parents parents felt when they got on that boat nearly 60 years ago and emigrated to Australia. I still remember the blue aerogramme letters that we would receive from relatives. My mum and dad would write back, in fact I think they wrote to their parents most months, or was it every week? I’ll need to check with mum when she gets back from overseas next week. And we kids would take it in turn to write a line when we were asked to…usually a thank you for birthday cards and money….

that was their communication back then, that and the occasional expensive phone call, and working out the time zones. So different to now.

i am enjoying the new job. It’s been a whirlwind so far, three days at work, three days at a conference meeting lots of the educators and working out the processes, procedures and the politics. So it’s back to three days a week for September and then after I get back from Japan at the end of October it will really be full time while a colleague is on maternity leave for 3 or 4 months. I love love love the flatter management structure and the trust! So all good and it’s busy and different and I think I have landed a great job…and I am happy and grateful and I love the luxury of days off and getting my head and heart clearer.

so just an update of sorts…Spring is here. The iris are out, and the daphne has been, and I’m waiting oh so patiently for the magnolia to flower.

and every so often, well quite often I think of those not around anymore and I say or think a word or too just to let them know that everything is alright, they are missed and loved, and life, well life goes on.


Suddenly

28Aug16

Up messing around with the chooks. The chook run is at the very back of the garden, and our neighbours behind have been here longer than us.

Suddenly I am back twenty odd years away…chatting with Mrs X. Mrs. X is our neighbour at the back. Jack is a toddler, Isabel is a babe in arms or walking – I can’t remember. We are playing at the back of the garden. There is a wooden fort and a swing. The garden is unkempt but a fun playground for exploring. It’s hot. I am probably tired. Full days.

Mrs X looks over the fence and starts talking wistfully. No hello, just straight into a reflection. A remembrance of herself as a young mother with children playing around her. Suddenly she stops and says – remember these times, they go by so fast, yet sometimes the days do drag. But they will grow and go. My son died in a motorbike accident in his 20s. My daughter sees me still but she has children, lives away, and is busy also.

And Jack leaves for Bonn in 6 days and I feel so sad. Yes he is around still of course, but I will miss him so. Living somewhere in Australia is different to living across the world. And despite email, social media, Skype and all the things can threaten at times to overwhelm…I am already feeling this sense of loss.

I am not trying to beat it all up. Just working through my melancholy. Not maudlin. Just thinking of all those childhood years.

I am so utterly proud of him. A combination of gentleness, wit, playfulness and brainpower.

And he is such a lovely person. I don’t think there can ever be a nicer external validation of parenting than when others remark on your children. We don’t have children to show what great people we are, and there is the whole nature vs nuture thing. But I love that he has this maths ability that comes from ?, and that he has my dad’s square knees!

I want both my children to be happy and fly.

and part of me is sad as Mrs X is still there, and wonder what pain she still has

 

 


this last line from my last post…

Oh, and possible things happening on my job front…well an application that has to go in this week. #fingerscrossed

and yesterday I resigned from ACU after almost 13 years, and 8 years in my present job (well it’s morphed with me, my interests and our library plans, and has been reclassified during that time). But it’s time to move on.

I applied for, and was successful in getting a position with ALIA as a librarian: education, research and policy. It’s approx 25 hours a week and offers lots of new challenges, scope and some time for me to pursue other interests.

I admit to being slightly terrified but I reckon that’s a good thing. I have two more weeks at work and then I’ll have a week off and then start with ALIA on 22 August. And the following week I get to go to Adelaide for the ALIA National Conference as I get to attend meetings and workshops with library educators from the VET and uni sectors.

So a huge few weeks ahead. Emotional. Frantic.

I honestly thought I would stay at ACU until I retired, but this opportunity awaits. As the lovely Rachael said to me the other day- ACU will remain my spiritual home, and it will. The campus community has been so wonderful.

Two days in Sydney next week for handover and meetings.

A paper to finish with a lovely colleague for ALIA Information Online for Feb next year.

And Jack leaves for Bonn on 3 Sept.

And three weeks in Japan in October is still on…negotiated this as part of me starting with ALIA as we already have plane tickets.

Bit like this amazing sunset yesterday…you just have to catch it!

#nofilter

#nofilter


pushing through

10Jul16

Was a bid sad to miss the very last day of #blogjune, but the results of a years planning a small conference came about from 29 June to 2 July, and there were three 14 hour days and then a six hour day on election day and I just couldn’t get to blogging. And truthfully I love writing/typing on my laptop and less so on my iPad mini and iPad so I tend not to blog when I only have the i options! Strange but true…

So what’s been happening in my world….a lovely 24 hrs down the coast last weekend with a gorgeous extended family of friends to celebrate a 50th, a few health issues/tests that are all good now, and then a lot (I repeat) a lot of long distance parenting over the past 38 hours with Ms 20 in Melbs. For her boyfriend of almost three years left on (yes, packed up and left their flat) and moved on on Friday…completely to Ms 20’s shock. No sign of it coming, no talk of stress or not getting on, just vamoose!

So it’s long distance parenting via phone, texts, Snapchat to get her through the next 10 days in Melbs. For Ms 20 has self-funded herself through a diploma in specialty makeup for the last 6 months (like her page on FB –  Isabel Davies Makeup Artistry) and has not even 2 weeks to go to complete. She has to be in Melbs for assessment, so we are just all pushing her through until she returns to us on 22 July. Through the sadness there has been some lovely conversations and lots of tears, and Mr 23 is flying down next week to spend a few days with her and bring her home (it’s a big week for us this week as Mr 23 graduates and it’s Carl’s birthday on Saturday).

Oh, and possible things happening on my job front…well an application that has to go in this week. #fingerscrossed


I miss that David Bowie is no longer around

this is what you get today

you just have to imagine Isabel (daughter) and me singing to this (loudly) in the car

Love is careless in its choosing
Sweeping over cross a baby
Love descends on those defenceless
Idiot love will spark the fusion
Inspirations have I none
Just to touch the flaming dove
All I have is my love of love
And love is not loving


Interesting reading just some of the #blogjune posts. I have enjoyed the familiar – Con, Kathryn, Kate, Peta, Snail, Tony, Sally…also discovering new people and posts along the way. I would like to have been more receptive, more just there to newness…but it has been a bit of a struggle these days.

It’s easy to retweet or to tweet. I don’t feel I am doing justice when it’s a small blog post…is it worth it at all? Am I adding any value, anything new? I think I like to *craft* my posts more, think about them more, and I don’t think I have done that one single time this month!

Argh. best not beat myself up about this.

I am spending the next 3 1/2 days at a small theological librarians conference in Canberra. I have been one of three on the organising committee…I think we have a mixed and varied program (possibly a bit packed!), but as this is my first conference that I have really organised, I really can’t tell! I don’t really know the people, the history, the material…so it’s been a bit of fudging, and observing along the way – but I do hope it is a great experience for the 55+ delegates!

so it’s ‘how now brown cow’ – and I shall endeavour to speak slowly and clearly…as opposed to my usual rushed, all over the place way (interspersed with vagueness)!

committee :)

committee🙂


This afternoon I went to the ANU for a crash course in the first 12 of the 23 Research Data Things.

I had consciously not registered to join the program when it was advertised in 2015 as I was feeling over committed and although it sounded interesting it wasn’t essential in my present job.

But I went to the afternoon, and really enjoyed it. We very quickly went through the first 10-12 things. Just a taste really. I did like hearing from an ANU academic about his datasets, and also listening to a data manager from a federal govt department. I think the range and depth of research data is just simply amazing.

And it was great to catch up again with Karen Visser, who I haven’t really seen since ANZIIL days (does anyone remember ANZIIL?)

anyhoo, that’s it from me

A quick post while I drink my ginger tea, and I’m off to bed!




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