At a loss


Today marks the day my oldest sister Alison died from breast cancer…18 years ago. 18 years is a lifetime. Isabel’s lifetime. Jack’s lifetime. It does seem so long ago now…she would be 58 this year. I can still recall the final days so clearly. I can still recall other shared times so very clearly.

I have written before about autumn, and how the very season is just so right when mourning the passing of two siblings, for yes indeed, it will be three years in May since Jeremy died. Shorter days, longer nights, a certain wistfulness in the weather as the trees, plants and animals get ready for winter. Autumn just does seem to be the most appropriate time to remember & mourn.

So tonight I will light a candle, several candles and remember Alison.

And news this week that has bought Carl and I to an interesting, uncertain, scary place as Carl’s workplace announced that the national communications team would be reduced from 111 to 48 people. No jobs at Carl’s level, and indeed if he is lucky perhaps a job at a level down….unbelievable madness. And this despite the fact that Carl’s area has already had a freeze on recruitment for several years now & have reduced staff. And this despite the fact that they have so much work, so much demand for design, reports, photography and video that they cannot actually do all the work and have had to knock work back & outsource it. Absolute madness. No voluntary redundancies as such, although you can be put down a ‘list’, no compulsion to work with the team and work out a structure that can work…and this is even before the government put their own restrictions on!!

So very uncertain times ahead. That may impact on future plans including our travel plans for later this year. It may just not be the right time for Carl to take 4 months off, so we may shorten this trip.

Just don’t know right now.

In a twilight zone.

So, at a loss in so many ways right now. I still battle with the right words to say when writing about death. They have passed. Indeed, but I haven’t *lost* them.

My aim is to support Carl in every way that I can and that he needs.

We shall get through. We have before and we will again.




One Response to “At a loss”

  1. 1 Kate

    All your words are right. xx

    Sending you hugs

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