How am I doing?

15May11

Idle thoughts from the last few days:

I seem to be in a gentler place

I want to take advantage of what life has to offer. I don’t mean that I want to rush through life, just not put things off so much for another day?

I feel very vulnerable

I feel very sad

I feel safe – I have Carl, my beautiful children, my wonderful family, fantastic caring friends that surround me

It’s strange when people who don’t know ask me how am I? Of course the usual response is great, fine, busy – how are you. But do I blurt out how I am really feeling?

Got a Simply Red CD.  Jeremy liked the band (and Tina Arena and other choice stuff, as well as loads of classical music). Sophie, Tim and Amelia played some of his favourites while in hospital. After he died – they played this song Stars“I wanna fall from the stars, right into your arms, I, I, I – feel for you, I hope you comprehend”

Music is reducing me to tears

I want to cloak myself and family and friends with gentleness and love

Memories are reducing me to tears

People are reducing me to tears

I want to talk about it all

I don’t want to talk

Mainly I want to talk

I want to write to people- I have some cards to write to Sophie, Tim and Amelia, John, Linda, Kath – other people from the last few weeks

I have no words of comfort, although I want to comfort

I want to eat well

I want to savour life, people, food, music

Of course – I want Jem

Jack, me and Isabel- in Centennial Park last Wednesday-just before Jem’s funeral.

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