Day after. 5 May


*I don’t want to upset anyone with this post, or subsequent posts. You can chose to read or not read. This post is a direct cut and paste from notes that I wrote on my iPad during the last few days. Some is dated, some is not. Jeremy died just after 2pm on Wednesday 4 May*


Busy being ill?
Busy now with death
Good to be preoccupied but feeling washed out, blank, exhausted, teary.

Even reading texts, tweets, posts, emails – each one anew is part of the process, hard

Exhausting day of trying to process surrounded by family and friends All of us going through the processes. I am staying an extra day with Maxi Max. So hard. Retiring to an empty flat will be awful Listening to grief in another language too is awful. I know no Czech except “ahoy” yet can hear the love and the sadness and the concern in their voices

At this stage
Maybe service at Paddington church
Wake at GP Synergy
Next Wednesday or Thursday

Do we have to make these decisions.
And no Jem to help…

Keep expecting to hear him tapping through the flat with his walking stick. I talk to him because I need to hear him and have him around

How on earth a people coping who worked with him every day?
I have emotional connections and history and so much
Greedy though because I want more
I wanted to go through an anticipatory grief stage for much much longer I wanted to sick in the Kings Cross sun with him and bask in the wintery sun. Bloody lift Still not fixed

Just tried on a $2500 JPG Jean jacket. Jeremy had. Never wore. Bought when he was with Philip. Extravagant.yes. Jem. He will wear in his coffin.

Sent from my iPad=


4 Responses to “Day after. 5 May”

  1. 1 Penny

    Nothing to say but feel for you, thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

  2. 2 CW

    Thank you for sharing Kate. I am thankful and touched that you would share this, and grateful that I can sort of share your grief in a tiny way. Thinking of you and sending love, Con

  3. 3 Elena

    Thinking of you Kate. e x

  4. Thank you for sharing this Kate and the previous post too. I understand the need for a ‘caveat’, though you shouldn’t have to. We readers sometimes forget that blogs can be the good, the bad, and everything in between.

    I’ve been thinking of you heaps, especially yesterday. I want to write eloquent words, but there aren’t any that make a difference. Love, Rachael.

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