No words



Lez my father-in-law died last Friday. So sad, so sudden and unexpected. He was up in Canberra from the South Coast (3 hours away) having some medical tests. Lez died waiting to see the specialist in the Canberra Hospital. Lez was to turn 80 this Thursday. On Thursday we will attend his funeral. On Friday we will all go down to Lez and Margaret’s house in Candelo and have a party to celebrate his life. I liked Lez a lot – the whole in-law relationship can be tricky or so you’d be lead to believe, but I’ve never found it the case with either Lez or Margaret. Lez had an opinion on everything, but I never felt judged. I will miss his quiet “alright love?” as I walked into the room. Always wanted to know that you were alright.

We are all going to miss you Lez. I feel sad. I feel sad for Carl. I feel sad for Jack and Isabel – their grandad has gone.

An online friend wrote to me “remember what made him great, how your life was richer because of him. Take your time…”

Lez in the Warrumbungles, 2004

Lez in the Warrumbungles, 2004


Jeremy started chemotherapy three weeks ago. He has to have 12 weeks treatment, with chemo every third week. First time through and the end of the first week was bad. He’d lost 5 kilos in that first week and said to me later that at that time he didn’t want to do any more chemo. He has felt better in the last two weeks, so much so that he has been doing half and occasional full days at work. I’ve told him off about that…as have others…half days at the most…you have to look after yourself. It’s really important that Jeremy walk daily and get his lung capacity up. Being ill takes time – there are countless medical appointments, exercise routines, and the bloody paperwork and bills to contend with. Luckily living in Potts Point there are just the most special walks – all close by – Elizabeth Bay, Rushcutters Bay, Botanic Gardens, the Cross. I managed to spend a couple of days with Jeremy and Max in Sydney in the second week of chemo and he was definitely feeling better. Another round of chemo started yesterday – a 12 hour day in hospital. I have had some nice phone calls and some lovely times over the last few months with Jem. It’s a shame that it takes an illness to bring us closer together….we have always got on…there is a special connection…but we are all busy and don’t spend enough time just being together. Heal! Dammit.

Too many words

A week or so ago I had too much to drink at a party, and said some inappropriate things about a friend. I was trying to explain to another friend about how I was feeling. I was all over the place. I was also ranting about a whole bunch of things. I don’t even know exactly what I said. What appears to have happened is that someone told this person. I have tried to apologise but I have been ignored. I stuffed up.  And now online I have been deleted, locked out and blogged about. I stuffed up.

Thanks… (haven’t done this for a while):

  • for knowing Lez
  • family – both sides, all shapes and sizes
  • a daughter that just offers to cook and especially seems to know when no-one else wants to….and then cooks fabulous delicious meals
  • tea
  • Carlo



3 Responses to “No words”

  1. 1 Penny

    I’m sorry Kate. It’s hard to say goodbye, especially when you weren’t expecting to do so. When that link to the previous generation is gone it’s almost as though we feel *something* settling on our own shoulders… responsibility, some sort of expectation from those following on from us – not sure what it is exactly but I’ve felt it. It’s good to be with family though, and to talk about the one that is gone, cry about the loss, comfort one another. The formality of the funeral is as much part of the letting go as the more private grieving.

    And then there is Jeremy – poor guy… tell him to hang in there! The walks sound nice and therapeutic in all kinds of ways, not just for lung capacity.

    As for the last item… if you’ve done what you can to make it right, there is nothing else you can do really. You have a lot on your plate right now and in such circumstances it is easy to say/do things we later regret . Done it myself and I’m not proud of it. Maybe time will help…

  2. Sincere condolences on your loss, Lez sounds like he was a special person. Chin up for Jeremy and your friend, I’m sure that it will all work out for the best, with all our good thoughts headed in your direction.

  3. 3 Kate Hallett

    Kate I really feel for you!! It’s harder to accept a loss when it’s sudden, as you know years ago (about 26 yrs) my brother was drowned accidentally… grief is hard it’s as if someone has reached into your soul and ripped it from it’s mountings…

    I always console myself (still) with the fact that we had the privilege to have known and spent lots of quality time with my gorgeous brother…

    And to them have your brother ill too… dreadful. About 11 years ago I had my Auntie Jan die of Cancer, then my Uncle Merv die suddenly in a car accident, another Uncle die of pancreatic cancer and then the icing on the cake was my Grandfather died and my unsympathetic older sister left a message on my answering machine to that effect… this all happened within a 2 month period. I felt like a very thin egg shell and that if anyone touched me I would just crumble away… it’s a dreadful feeling grief, it is what we all have to go through as humans however.

    I always console myself always with the fact that the more sadness you have the universe does balance it with happiness. I am just so happy with my husband, my children and my life.

    You will always remember the special people that have touched you and they do make you a stronger person for knowing them well.


    Kate Hallett

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